The Benefits of Cigarette Smoking

I did a little study. I went to a smoky bar. It was rough, but in the name of science I tipped a couple rum & Diet Cokes. I rounded up a room full of smokers. I asked half of them to give up smoking for a week. I'd offered to cook up a mountain of chicken wings for their next kegger, so they said what the heck?

They quit cold turkey and they felt like crap all week. It made them stupider! They were cranky and forgetful. Their cravings were insane. They couldn't seem to get anything done! After a week, I told them they could start smoking again and you know what? After the first cigarette they felt better! Immediately! Clearly the smoking was doing something good for them. We went back out to the bar to celebrate. I discovered that the more beers they drank the prettier I got! That will have to be a study for another day.

Anyway, back to my hypothesis. I guess I was right. Cigarettes are healthy. I think I'll repeat the study with a group of Diet Coke drinkers! Who knew it was so easy to be a sci-un-tist! I wonder if I can get paid to do it?

In equally impressive health news, here's a study that's just as good as mine:
Low-carb diets can affect dieters' cognition skills

Here is more commentary on this "study":
Michael R. Eades, M.D.: Making Worthless Data Confess
Dana Capender: Another Un-Compelling Study
Laura Dolson: Low-Carb Diets Bad for the Brain? (Don't Worry!)
Mariasol: Low-carb diets can affect dieters’ cognition skills